We haven't done a hot sauce episode yet, since Dan is not a huge fan of hot sauce. But we've had several requests to do a show about hot sauce and/or hot peppers and we eventually will.
Many of the people expressing an interest in hot sauce and chiles have shared very funny stories about mishaps and there's a clear pattern emerging. If you lack a scorching story of your own, not to fear. As a public service, I've created this easy spicy food mishap story generator to serve you next time you're eating spicy food and need a painfully funny anecdote.
Simply circle the appropriate options based on gender and degree of personalization you desire. Then tell often and loudly whenever you have a particularly spicy meal.
So one time [I/my friend] was cutting hot peppers to [make guacamole/make salsa/prep mediocre conceptual art]. After many minutes of diligent slicing, [I/she/he] needed to [use the restroom/adjust his Prince Albert/slake the alarming desire stoked by the vintage Scott Baio poster she saw]. There was a blood-curdling scream and then [I/she/he] [opened and straddled a fire hydrant/jumped into a tar pit/activated the dorm's Halon fire extinguishing system]. Ever since, I've always worn prep gloves while slicing chiles.
By the way, milk is a better bet for putting out the fire, but the social and fabric consequences of pouring milk down your pants are more numerous than simply using water. /mark
Photo: Flickr CC / jonboy_mitchell