I recently went to an "Irish Pub" here in Tokyo to grab some fish and chips for lunch. My lunch came with a side of bread and to my absolute horror, a little pack of margarine to apply to it. Margarine being a crime against humanity with which I will not cooperate, I summoned up my best Japanese to ask for some butter. More margarine arrived. Undeterred, I asked if they had any real butter. Finally, I got a little dish of rock hard, bread shredding, but real butter.

I looked at my plate situation and asked myself, "What would the Sporkful guys do?" 

I had piping hot French fries, ice cold butter, bread, a knife, and little time. I suddenly had a moment of inspiration. I picked up a French fry and put it on top of the butter. Within 30 seconds, the butter was warm enough to be spreadable. And so the day was saved, and I got to eat unshredded bread with real, if a bit saltier, butter.

Whatever you two contentious food philosophers think of my solution, I want to thank you for getting me to think more creatively about and have more fun with food. My lunch was not so good, but it was more better. I say that as an English teacher.