Dear Internet,
I am very disappointed in you. I rely on you to keep me informed about the new, but this week you're fixated on the old. And worse yet, you're ripping me off...badly. You're abuzz over the "revelation" that one can cut the bottom off a cupcake and put that cake on top, then eat the cupcake sandwich style. I pioneered that approach years ago. It works because you're moving the frosting closer to your tongue, and as is the case with any layered food, the flavor closer to your tongue is accentuated. But there's an even better way to eat cupcakes, which I discussed in a piece I wrote for NPR over two years ago, entitled, "The Cake is the Conduit." Here's an excerpt:

Always remember, a cupcake is a Frosting Delivery System. The cake is the conduit. (Call me the Marshall McLuhan of desserts.)
If you don't like frosting, that's fine, but cupcakes probably aren't for you. Try a slice of pound cake. Or angel food cake. Or devil's food cake. But for heaven's sake, don't buy a cupcake with a giant base and a measly 0.0001-inch-thick layer of frosting. Because when you do, you ruin cupcakes for the rest of us, by encouraging subpar manufacturing. A really good cupcake is 50 percent cake, 50 percent frosting. The cake is just the part you hold on to so you don't get frosting on your hands instead of in your mouth. Think of the cake as a yummier kind of spoon that you can eat. As I said, the cake is the conduit.

Now since I know that the world will never be fully rid of subpar cupcakes, I've spent some time developing methods to improve upon the lesser offerings. First, cut off half of the cake bottom. Second, position the cupcake FROSTING SIDE DOWN as you put it in your mouth. (Anytime you're consuming a layered food, remember that the flavor of whatever layer is on the bottom will be accentuated, because it's closer to your tongue.) Third, give the bottom of your cupcake to your dog. If you follow these three simple steps, even the lamest cupcake will be pretty good.

So you see, Internet, eating a cupcake sandwich style isn't new, and it isn't even the best way to eat a cupcake. In the future, I'd appreciate it if you'd run any and all food-related "discoveries" past me (or my colleague Mark Garrison if I'm unavailable). This should avoid many uncomfortable situations going forward.

Best,
Dan Pashman

PS - Got any good new videos of teens getting horribly injured while attempting skateboarding tricks? I'm kinda addicted to those.