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Watch My Daughters and Me Demonstrate the Hierarchy of Kids’ Leftovers

Posted by

Jul 15, 2014

Like burying beetles and blowflies, parents are natural scavengers. We have no time or energy to make our own decent meals so we scrounge up what we can, where we can, defying the laws of grossness to which non-parents adhere.

I've identified a hierarchy of small children's table scraps, to help parents decide where to draw the line between edible and trash-worthy. Here are the levels, from the ideal scenario to the bottom of the barrel:

1. On the plate, untouched.

2. On the plate, mushed around with hands.

3. Picked up and dropped on the floor.

4. Put in the mouth and returned to the plate.

5. Put in the mouth and dropped on the floor by accident.

6. Put in the mouth and dropped on the floor on purpose.*

*If the food was put on the floor intentionally, there was likely velocity involved. The food was probably hurled, which means it was hand-smooshed before being thrown. That's why this is the worst — the food has been degraded by the mouth, hands, and floor.

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